\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0“I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.”<\/p>\n
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation. “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.” Or maybe it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s “Eats shoots and leaves.”
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u201d
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0The above, taken from the blurb of a best-seller, “Eats Shoots and Leaves,” by Lynne Truss, is all about punctuation, the traffic signs to language.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0Punctuation does really matter. The most common questions Optic staffers ask deal with punctuation and grammar: How can I tell the difference between “lie” and “lay”? What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the difference between “its” and “it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s”? What about “there,” “their” and “they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re”?
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0This is an attempt to unconfuse some of the most common problems in the English language.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0For me, high anxiety came easy at Immaculate Conception School as Sister Mary Medulla Oblongata parsed sentences with us. I tried not to take her chiding parsonally, incorrectly answering “gerund” every time the teacher asked me to identify a participle. The fact that both terms end in “ing” made the distinction difficult, and that was precisely why we got drilled on them. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s akin to the difference between a walking stick and a walking stick.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0When I became a teacher, I was amazed at how most of the mechanical errors people commit are few. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a matter of these few being repeated constantly.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0The there\/their\/they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re troika remains a villain. I tell my students that “heir” and “their” have much in common, as do “there” and “here.” And there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no logical way to tell when to use “lie” and “lay.” I try to explain that when we use “lay,” we need something to lay, or lay down, like tile, eggs or the law. “Lie” is what we do in bed. And yet, if you reclined in bed last night, you lay (but not layed or laid) there.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0After appearing to have grasped the distinction, a co-worker said, “I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll go over it again tonight while I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m laying in bed.”
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0“Eats Shoots and Leaves” mentions a shopkeeper in Bristol who would deliberately stick ungrammatical signs on his window as a ruse to draw customers in. When they went into the store to complain, he would talk them into buying something.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0Ahh, so that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the rationale! The many signs in Las Vegas that bear bad punctuation, grammar and spelling are placed there deliberately. People just ignore proper English.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0Here\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an example: Apparently someone left a shower running at the Rec Center. A sign the next day read, “Please turn off the water when your done.” People like me unfailingly ask the person in charge, “Why didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t you spell it \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcyou\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 (as in you are)?” Is it possible the misspelling was done on purpose, to get people to say, “Well, as long as I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m here, I think I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll take a dip. Here\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my money”?
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0A panel truck in town used to carry a painted message, “Smile if your nuts.” Obviously, the author of that sign was unable to hear the difference between “you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re,” and “your,” which denotes possession. I hear “ewer” for the former; perhaps others don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0In freshman composition at Luna Community College, I asked my class to punctuate two expressions: “Guess what she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing” and “I wonder where my dog is.”All but one student tacked a question mark to the end of the sentences. I wonder why?
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0Well, each sentence suggests uncertainty: We don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know what she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s doing, and a question is implied in our zeal to find out. “I wonder” also implies uncertainty. Yet both of these sentences ought to end with a period. Period.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0And certain common prepositional phrases often get punctuated the same way, regardless of how they function in a sentence. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s proper to say, “The ball went out of bounds (no hyphens; it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s simply giving the direction of the ball),” because there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s no reason to include hyphens, whose function is to make the three words act as one. However, “He threw an out-of-bounds ball” requires hyphens, as all of the words in that unit function as one word, in the same way we would say, “He threw an orange ball.” And the gang is over the hill, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an over-the-hill gang.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0This crash course won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be complete without reference to people\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s penchant for using quotation marks for emphasis. Restaurants sometimes describe their burritos as “delicious.” They may well be, but sprinkling quotation marks around single words usually denotes irony, as if the burritos really tasted like like the bottom of an ashtray.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0Quotation marks ideally surround quoted words. And yet, political candidates sprinkle quotes around words like “honest,” “reliable,” “truthful” and “experienced.” Without such gratuitous quote marks, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d never have occasion to question politicians\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 fitness for the job.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0Surely they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re overused because quotations tend to make words stand out. But they ought not be used for emphasis. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what exclamation marks, boldface, capitals and italics are for. In moderation.
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0When was the last time you got a memo marked URGENT!!!!!! with a host of extra marks of punctuation, like this?????? Do several marks of punctuation really suffice other than to raise a grammarian\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s blood pressure?
\n\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0So, punctuate with care, and never fail, to put commas, in the right places.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air. \u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. \u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0“I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a panda,” he says at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=23"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/23\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=23"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=23"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=23"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}