Rather than attempt Comedy Central, let me explain that I have absolutely no talent when it comes to telling those long, drawn-out, elaborate situational anecdotes that require a series of repetitive remarks (\u00e2\u20ac\u0153and then the genie asked the third man …) followed by a punchless line.<\/p>\n
In fact, where there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s laughter in my environment, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s usually the result of some slip of the tongue, a one-liner, or something serendipitous, in which people are laughing at me rather than with me. And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all right too.<\/p>\n
Almost exactly 10 years after I first attempted a joke, I heard it again. Somehow, nobody laughed when I told it, but this time, when told by another, it was hilarious. Or so the laughers indicated. But that also could be the result of the boss-to-supplicant syndrome in which every joke the boss tell is hilarious.<\/p>\n
But let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s move on (or, as politicians under indictment are wont to say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I wish to move forward, put this behind me and admit that mistakes were made.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Or they might make statements to the press, saying Diane Denish\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s loss to Susana Martinez \u00e2\u20ac\u0153had nothing to do with the Richardson factor\u00e2\u20ac\u009d).<\/p>\n
In the year 2000, when I worked as a recruiter for the U.S. Census Bureau, my co-worker, Diana Abeyta, and I addressed a group at the Senior Center. Before we took the stand, I assured Diana this opening joke was going to knock \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcem dead.<\/p>\n
I then told the group about a dog that had been bred solely for the 2000 census. It was a cross between a pit bull terrier and a collie, like Lassie.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153The advantage of such a dog,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I explained, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153is that when a census-taker, who needs to go to far-reaching, isolated houses, gets his leg bitten off, the same dog (or at least the collie part) will then run five miles to get help.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Reaction? Zero. They rolled their eyes but didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t roll in the aisles. I guess some people can tell \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcem, some can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t. I heard the same joke at the City Recreation Center, and those hearing it behaved as if that had been the funniest joke of their lives. It probably was a case of the joke-teller\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s being in a position of authority: You laugh or, tomorrow, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re pounding the sidewalks of metropolitan Roy-Mosquero, looking for employment.<\/p>\n
Whenever my brother-in-law, former Bernalillo County district attorney Jeff Romero, tells me any in his arsenal of lawyer jokes (don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be fooled \u00e2\u20ac\u201d lawyers know the jokes and love to tell them), I respond with, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Please leave the humor to me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d But all my bravado sometimes works against me.<\/p>\n
Jeff will ask, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why did God create snakes before lawyers?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d or \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Why won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sharks attack lawyers?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then he beats me to the answer, with, respectively, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153for practice\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153as a professional courtesy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to advise him not to try these one-liners in front of others, but judging by my own failure to get reaction from the Senior Center crowd, maybe humor is just not my forte.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2<\/p>\n
I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m usually one to greet tellers and checkers by name, with a friendly \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it going?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Surprisingly, I often get a response, but sometimes merely a grunt. For example, once at Taco Bell, after I placed my order, the server handed me my receipt and told me \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re 268,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d referring to my order number. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know why Taco Bell receipts are usually in the 200s.<\/p>\n
I responded with, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153268? I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not nearly that heavy.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d A flurry of apologies, and she then explained the real meaning of the number. I believe it was the same worker who a week earlier said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re 92,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to which I responded, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not nearly that old.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Part of the joy of unbridled humor is having people pay me back in kind. The third time I went there, with my usual, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not nearly that old\/heavy\u00e2\u20ac\u009d spiel, she fished out a receipt with much higher numbers, possibly 298, and insisted that figure represented both my age and weight.<\/p>\n
It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fun also to hassle people like Roberta, a pharmacist at Walgreens, as I go to the drive-up window. Generally, whoever processes the order will ask, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Do you have any questions about this prescription?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I answer with, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Just one question: Will I be able to play the piano when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m on this medication?<\/p>\n
Roberta used to reply, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh yes, you should be able to play the piano just fine.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
Then I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m like, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good! I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t play the piano now. Maybe this medicine will help.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n
How many times can one customer take this one to the well? Now, the long-suffering Roberta will answer, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, yes! You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be able to play even better now.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Even some of the pharmacy techs are on to me. I have to learn some new tricks.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 \u00e2\u20ac\u00a2<\/p>\n
Can we teach an old dog new tricks? I believe we can, but meanwhile, I received this doggone list of new breeds of dogs, in addition to the one bred by the Bureau of the Census. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know who compiled such a clever list, but anyway, here goes:<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisers.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, not a popular dog with CIA agents.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by … oh, well, it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter anyway.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s true to the end.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed.<\/p>\n
\u00e2\u20ac\u00a2 Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Rather than attempt Comedy Central, let me explain that I have absolutely no talent when it comes to telling those long, drawn-out, elaborate situational anecdotes that require a series of repetitive remarks (\u00e2\u20ac\u0153and then the genie asked the third man …) followed by a punchless line. In fact, where there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s laughter in my environment, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=695"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":696,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/695\/revisions\/696"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=695"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=695"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rezio.net\/woa\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=695"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}