For as long as people have existed, many have cultivated the Art of Exaggeration. Strange, but when it comes to minimizing things, we aren’t as skillful.

Let me explain:

Watch any childhood scuffle on the school playground, and the loser will tell Mommy that “Jimmy almost suffocated me and practically knocked all my teeth out.” Instead of the playground, the brutal assault is said to have taken place “right in the middle of the street, in heavy traffic.” If Mommy reports the assault to the school principal, the kid is likely to effect a limp, struggle with breathing and fail to show all his teeth. A red badge of courage might also help.

Now is MY account a bit of an exaggeration? Perhaps. But nevertheless, I’m sure we’re all aware of the syndrome called “Hyper Inflammation of the Imagination.” As a child, the youngest, I used that tack as well, especially when an older sibling roughed me up, making me hope Mom or Dad would “really give it to” one sibling or the other.

My sister, Dorothy, and I were the peace-keepers in our family of five. Sometimes, when things got too tumultuous, Dorothy and I would sneak into the kitchen closet before Mom conveyed the rest of the siblings into that room “until you can be friends again.”

When there are five children too oversee, we can expect a lot of friction. I believe that rather than sorting things out and assessing guilt or innocence, Mom thought it more prudent to shove all of us into the closet. Dorothy and I invariably saved Mom the trouble (and probably avoided a whipping in the process.)

Physicality is inevitable in childhood. So is exaggeration. In the many slugfests I had with Severino, my older brother — I never won a fight against him but never ran away either — I’d be sure to embellish the power with which his blows landed on me, the length of time he held me down, and the number of pummelings I received. I don’t think Mom or Dad ever kept score. Sometimes my elaborate account of Severino’s gestapo-style beatings prompted Mom to say, “Well, you probably asked for it. You deserved it.”

But let’s leave Life in the Trujillo Household saga to discuss the very recent account of the suspension of a female teacher in Albuquerque who threw books at some of her junior high school students. It seems the three students she aimed at have recovered — the teacher threw PAPERBACKS at the students. However, as the incident grows, blossoming from a petty incident that could have been settled in the principal’s office, to a third-degree felony, we’ll likely hear variations on a theme.

For example, it’s agreed that the teacher tossed paperback books at the students, who rose to leave class before the teacher dismissed them. But stay tuned for the exaggeration that’s likely to follow. The paperbacks’ weight, trajectory, size, velocity and girth are likely to vary from a four-page pamphlet to a New York City phonebook or similar tome. And now that the parents of at least one student have joined the fray, we’ll learn much more.

The dedication parents often have to a cause is often mitigated by the fact that the first party to be notified is a TV station, then the police.

It’s easy to turn the book-throwing incident into a cause célbre. After all, look how popular the girls will become when seen on TV.

But rather than continue to venting on a topic that merely shows the human side of a teacher, let’s wait to see how the case gets resolved.

Let’s hope the precious teen-aged middle school darlings weren’t traumatized too severely.

• • •

Alas! For last week’s column I made up a story that included a number of misused words — words that some people believe are correct but which often fall into the category of malaprops.

The reader who took the challenge, my sister, Dorothy, bragged what she figured out the misuses “in about five minutes.” It took me longer than that to dream up the scenario. Here is Dorothy’s submission:

Ball of wax for bivouac; dog eat dog for doggy-dog; askance for akimbo; physical for fiscal; intents and for intensive; regardless for irregardless; utmost for upmost; appease for apiece; devise for device; elicit for illicit, malicious for militias; mute for moot; unable for enable; utter for udder; fetal for fatal;

Heimlich maneuver for Heineken remover; vain for vein; lying for laying; prostrate for prostate; principle for principal; commensurate for commiserate; through for threw; flaunt for flout; accept for except; and compliments for complements.

Fair warning: The next time the exercise won’t be quite so easy.