Only a couple of weeks away from spring, we’ve gotten restless, tired of checking the weather reports to discover whether traffic’s stuck in Glorieta Pass. Newcomers to this area are often surprised that there’s actually visibility, sun and clear roads after trudging along, following a million semis crawling on I-25. We’ve stayed home more than we’re accustomed to, due to the weather, and we’ve acquired cabin fever.

There’s a map, published by a firm called MMI, that’s available at a number of local businesses. The map carries details of Las Vegas and San Miguel County. It’s a handy freebie, which has a number of advertisers. These maps have been around for years, frequently updated, and they’re usually available at the locations of those who buy the ads.

My map has a 2009 copyright. Imagine our surprise when we discovered there’s an opportunity to visit a host of new places we didn’t know existed. Let’s start with the forests. Did you know this map shows a Santa National Forest? Now the Santa designation is not to be confused with Santa Fe. This place is apparently a new site, popular in winter. Close by, we have a village named Sapollo, which is reminiscent of and in the same location as the former Sapello. Note that Spanish-speaking politicians, asking voters’ support often ask for “soporte,” when they ought to use “apoyo.” And they sometimes spell it “apollo,” which brings to mind “pollo,” a bird, or an ancient god, Apollo, who might have inspired the MMI map’s spelling of the little community between here and Mora. But let’s not get into fowl trouble.

There’s more: Near Rociada is a place named San Ignacie which only Ignacio’s close friends dare call him; we can fish in the Gallin River (NTBCW with Gallinas), which also appears on the map. Gallin is close to “gallon,” which sometimes comes close to the contents of the river. Take a side trip to a place called Manuelite, possibly a diminutive suburb of the former Manuelitas, in the vein of Bud and Bud Lite. Or perhaps Manuel, one of the residents, lost some weight and now contains one-third less poundage.

South of Villanueva is a place called Piñon Altos. The community originally referred to Pinos Altos — tall pines — but the new moniker describes, albeit ungrammatically, piñon that is high up on the trees. If a dozen piñones are up in the Pinos Altos and there are 11 on the ground, what do you have? Obviously, there’s a difference of a piñon. There’s a bit of regression, as Luna Community College is back to its original name, Luna Vocational-Technical Institute. But, the map shows us, we now have two hospitals, the original Northeastern Regional Hospital on Eighth Street, and Alta Vista Hospital on North Grand. So, you naysayers who say, “There’s nothing to do here,” check out your copy of the area map, wherever free maps are dispensed, and you’ll find lots of newly named places. We can’t wait to see what awaits us in the Santa forest. Ho Ho Ho.

• • •

Well, can we really throw poofreading stones at map-producers when we publish a three-days-a-week newspaper with many more words? Nobody has ever called to compliment us on the 3,999 words we spelled correctly each issue. My daughter-in-law, Connie, phoned to ask the correct spelling for “homicide.”

“It has two i’s,’ doesn’t it?” “Yes, Connie.” “

But you spelled it ‘homocide,’ which gives it an entirely different meaning,” she said.

“Well yes, but you see, at least we got the spelling correct in the main article. It was just the headline that contained a typo. In fact, we got it right at first, but some intrepid, unnoticed gremlins invaded the spell-checkers at the Optic at night, and uncorrected the head.”

• • •

My niece-in-law, Rachel Kruse Dashnaw, works for a calendar company in Austin. Accordingly, each Christmas, I receive an interesting calendar. The latest version contains selections by noted wordsmith Richard Lederer, author of A Man of My Words. He’s spent time collecting unusual verbal combinations that appear in newspapers, bulletins, pamphlets, newsletters and public signs. Here are some:

• Dean of men, dean of women promise to stop drinking on campus;
• From a California dental newsletter: Our office policy is to do our utmost to see patients in discomfort as soon as possible;
• On a newscast: It’s as easy as falling off a pie;
• On a warranty certificate: To preserve your Rusty Jones warranty on your car upholstery, you must pick up a canister of fluid and spray it on yourself;
• Kinney Shoe Stores: We only sell the right shoe; • Headline: Prince Charles backs bicycles over cars as he opens world talks;
• Posted at a Santa Fe service station: We refuse to sell gas to anyone in a glass container;
• In an interview: As a baboon who grew up wild in the jungle, I realized that Wiki has special nutritional needs;
• Headline: High school honors students arrested for hate crimes;
• Announcement: The club’s celebration will also include a DJ and balloons falling from the ceiling at midnight;
• Headline: U.S. ships head to Somalia;
• Advice column: It is bad manners to break your bread or roll in your soup.