Monthly Archives: March 2007

Patient’s behavior was abdominal

Probably as a remnant of a Valentine’s party, someone at the Optic left a box of chocolate-covered cherries in the break room for all us hard-working staffers to enjoy. They vanished the same day — no thanks to me.

Here’s why:

I grew up — as did many of you — in an era when visits to doctors were rare. My first visit was for what I thought was a hearing loss.

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Whose business is it, anyway?

Whose job is it to ensure people’s safety? How do I respond to a tough biker who’s aware that I strongly support helmet laws — not just for people on Harleys, but for kids on skateboards?

Fishing for today’s topic, I got a TiVo-type glimpse of the NBA Wunderkind LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers as he got knocked down (and almost out) in a game against the Mavericks on Wednesday night, when the back of his head lost a battle with the hardwood floor. Does this mean I’d be in favor of helmets for basketball players as well? Perhaps.

But here’s how I zoomed in on this topic:

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Kids “get the ‘L’ out of there?

   An Albuquerque weathercaster, Bill Eisenhood, used to include an “amazing fact? each evening. One such “fact? was a mnemonic device in which one could recall the names of all the planets. It made such an impression on me that I can’t remember any of it.
   Just for kicks, I sent in a question: What is the longest word one can type using only (not necessarily all) the keys in the row above the home keys of a standard typewriter?
   Eisenhood appeared to be so impressed with that factoid that he led off the weathercast with the question. The news anchors at the time simultaneously blurted out the answer, as if they’d actually figured it out. No way! Obviously, they’d heard the weatherman spill the answer before airtime. I’ve asked the same question to dozens. Nobody has yet to give me the correct answer.

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Build your own ‘news service’

    What have been the top stories this year? In terms of time and space, the who’s-the-father-of-Anna Nicole Smith’s-baby? ranks in the top 5.
    Britney Spear’s haircut and rehab certainly deserves honorable mention, as do items such as British Prime Minister Tony Blair’s decision to begin pulling troops out of Iraq.
    Those of us who read a variety of newspapers and watch the news are aware of lots of puffery, the practice of treating celebrities as newsmakers.

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Old remedies cure all your ills

    A home-grown e-mail making the rounds covers the theme of “You know you’re from Las Vegas if …” It’s similar to the paradigm made famous by comedian Jeff Foxworthy, which declares, “You might be a redneck …” And here he inserts something like “… if at least four of your dogs get killed whenthe porch of your trailer collapses.”
    The Vegas version contains some extremely witty entries. My favorite reads: “You know you’re from Las Vegas if you were threatened constantly with, “La Llorona is going to hear you if you don’t stop crying.”

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