About the time all of us decided it was time for Dad to surrender his driver’s license was when he said, “I’ve been driving for almost 50 years and have never had an accident.”
When’s one too old to drive?
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Can you ride a bike – backwards?
    “Don’t you have better things to do?” I got asked that question about 55 years ago by then-Las Vegas City Police Chief Matt O’Brien as he stuck his pointer finger into my ear and gave it a slight tug.
No, I can’t butcher pigs
    “What’s your husband’s name?”
    “Art.”
    “Is he a Chicano?”
    “Yes.”
    “Can he butcher a pig?”
    “Heavens no.”
    “Oooo, then he’s a Gringo. Get rid of him.”
Hailstones and dinner mints
    Returning Sunday from the wedding of our youngest son, we drove into our yard to discover we’d missed witnessing one hail of a storm. Interestingly, no other house at Camp Luna got pelted. Meteorologists are still marveling at the fact that the storm centered solely over our property, wrecking the siding on the south wall and causing the roof to our fairly new house to need replacement.
Correct typos, don¹t repeat them
    Some common events connect thousands of citizens of Las Vegas and the surrounding area . . . We thought he was overly critical of our efforts. “He” is a customer, a reader who noticed a particularly egregious error in a photo caption in Wednesday’s Optic.
    We make mistakes (do we ever!) and it’s a sign of responsibility to admit them without belaboring them. Though all of us in the newsroom may have a different way of handling making corrections, my advice is not to resurrect the error.
How would Legion of Decency stack up today?
    Because I’m addicted to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, inertia usually precludes my switching channels when he signs off.
    Just like tonight. The program that follows Jay Leno, “Just Shoot Me,” with David (I’m not funny without my former partner Chris Farley) Spade, uses dialogue consisting of sophomoric humor that deals with 1) toilet humor, 2) parts of the anatomy, 3) sexual innuendo. The entire show consists of suggestive exchanges all designed to persuade the other — sometimes a virtual stranger — to bed down.
Readers provide feedback
    One of the pleasures of writing “Work of Art” comes in feedback I receive periodically.
    Many have commented on the frequent “growing up” pieces, claiming, “That girl you described at a dance could’ve been me.” or “I too remember when it was safe to leave my bike out all night. Nobody would ever steal it.” Monday, Al Valdez explained that a previous column, “must’ve been written about me.” I didn’t recall having written anything particular about Valdez, the long-time manager of Gambles. He explained that much I had written on how Vegas youths used to earn money could have applied to him.
Fatherhood’s more than just watching games
    A few days away from Father’s Day, I decided to take inventory, to comment on the phenomenon of fatherhood.
    What do I have in common with other fathers and grandfathers? I believe that too often our meddling, our trying help our children embarrasses them. Don’t all children grow to an age in which their parents become idiots? And don’t most teens eventually become 20-something men and women who are amazed at how much their parents had learned in just a few years?
I mean don’t overuse ‘you know’
    Several months ago, I wrote a column titled, “When I listen to Rosie O’Donnell, I’m like Å’wow.'” The column explicated the many sins people, especially Rosie, commit in the name of “like,” the most common sin being its use as a sub for “I said something like.”
The truth about hickies
    My friend Fred Stoessel joined me last week for coffee at McDonald’s. As we waited in line, I noticed a teenager in the next line whose appearance connoted way too much experience for a girl who probably isn’t yet eligible to celebrate her quinceñera. Not only has this 21st-century Lolita been around the block — she may qualify for frequent flyer miles.