Alas! I missed it by a week, but in my defense, I’ve been reminded that people with my condition are perpetually behind the times.

I refer to National Left Handers Day, observed Aug. 13 and described “as a chance to tell your family and friends how proud you are of being left-handed, and also raise awareness of the issues lefties face in a world designed for right-handers.”

They’re right! Too many of us get left behind.

We’re playing with a stacked deck. Those who lean left need to compensate for our built-in linguistic disadvantage. People on the political right aren’t necessarily “right” as in correct. And those on the left realize that the opposite of “right” is “left.” But so is “wrong.”

Consider the many put-down terms associated with left-handedness: “sinister,” “awkward,” “gauche,” “insincere,” “sardonic” and “hypocritical.” Did you ever feel honored after receiving a left-handed compliment?

A few days ago, I invited fellow Facebook lefties to comment on their condition. And I hesitated to use “condition,” as that implies something’s wrong with us. When people suggest that left-handedness is some sort of malady, I dig out my faded T-shirt, which reads: “Right-handers use the left side of their brain; therefore, left-handers are the only people in their right mind.”

Richard Lindeborg, a port-sider, writes, “When my third grade teacher contradicted my second grade teacher’s previous contradiction of my first grade teacher’s instructions on how a leftie should hold paper and pencil, my parents redeemed a “research coupon” from Encyclopedia Britannica to get a definitive answer. Their report became my leftie penmanship Bible, overriding future instructions from teachers. (My handwriting is still terrible.)”

Lindeborg correctly identifies can openers and scissors as among the hardest things to operate. And he adds, “good leftie scissors have both l-h handles and l-h blades.”

Donna Thompson and Beth Rose, two “sinister” sisters, have had to follow strict protocols when at the dinner table: If you’re a leftie sitting to the left of a right-hander, you have acres of space in which to swing that fork. But what happens when a leftie is to the right of a righty? The incessant bumping of elbows, it pains me to admit, is not a pretty sight.

Donna writes: “I take some pride in being left-handed — perhaps because I am supposedly more right-brained, and therefore more creative. However, notebooks are designed for right-handers. In school, with spirals and bindings on the left side, my hand and arm were constantly dragging across the raised, rough edges. With loose-leaf paper, I tried writing on the “back” side of the paper, but my teachers didn’t like it. They felt those holes must all line up on the left side.”

Donna added, “I once attended a workshop on handwriting analysis, and the presenter said there was no way to tell by penmanship if a writer were left- or right-handed. Most people, I think, would find that hard to believe.”

Beth has experience with the musical tables dance when she’s with both “dexterous” and “gauche” types. She writes: “Sitting at a dining table with right-handers is always an issue. Those right-handers don’t realize how difficult it is to sit next to them when they are on my left side. I’ve learned to keep my elbow down, but there is still a bumping of elbows. So I have learned to head for the left-handed corner.”

Being a leftie who’s married to a right-handed man has advantages, Beth says. “When romance is in full swing, a left-handed and right-handed couple can still hold hands while dining.”
Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia, estimates that 75 to 90 percent of the population is right handed. It’s not only scissors and can openers that have been made solely for the adroit folk among us; cameras, household appliances, autos and shop tools also favor the dexterous.

So smug is the right-handed world that it’s conjured up a host of complimentary words to help tout their abilities.

In addition to “dexterous,” dictionaries list words such as “adroit,” “forthright” and even “handy.” And what does that make us gauche people? Chopped liver, diced with a left-handed meat cleaver?

Two Facebook users also shared their experience as port-siders:

Geraldine Duran wrote, “I am left-handed. When I started school back in the ‘50s, I remember my first grade teacher walking past me to spank my left hand with a ruler. She wanted me to write with my right hand! I don’t know how I got thru first grade but I’m still left handed!”

Kim Reed-Deemer: “When I was four I began writing my name from right to left (Deer Mik) and my parents had to work with me to get me to conform to the standard. On a good day I can still take a piece of chalk in each hand and simultaneously write my name in mirror images on a chalkboard.”

Alberta Jimenez’s way of writing was determined partly because of a broken bone in her hand. She said that as a child, “I became a lefty, but my teacher made me write with my right hand. But when it came to playing jacks or throwing a ball, I was a lefty.”

Lorilee Herron said, “I’m a lefty too. I find it interesting how many special education students and special ed teachers are lefties. I use right-handed scissors, and ironing can feel awkward. I am the daughter of a left-handed twin (boy/girl and fraternal) who was forced to use his right hand.”

And finally, former Robertson High School teacher Florence Hernandez seemed miffed that this topic was about dexterity, not politics. She wrote, “Oops. I thought I was going to read a blog about extreme politics.”

Sorry, Florence, but the left and right applies to handwriting. After a few more Trump-fueled G.O.P. debates, we’ll discover who’s right and who’s left.

And who’s wrong.

• • •

Have you heard of Pat Venditti, the Oakland A’s pitcher who takes ambidexterity seriously? The switch-pitcher is a 29-year-old Creighton University alumnus who pitches both left and right-handed, depending on which side of the plate the batter chooses.

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