It would be great if I could turn today’s column into a feel-good story in which everybody lives happily ever after.

Yes, it would be great, but not in this case. I refer to Ethan Couch, a Texas teen whose carelessness (he and his buddies stole cases of beer from a Wal-Mart), and Ethan, with driver’s permit in hand (but no real license), drove at speeds of 70 mph before plowing into a group of people who had stopped to assist another driver.

Four people who had stopped to help change the tire of the stranded motorist died. They’re not coming back.

And what about Ethan? Well, a judge (who has chosen not to seek re-election) fell for the testimony of a hot-shot specialist who blamed it all on “affluenza.” You probably heard the term for the first time back in 2013, when the accident (why do they call actions caused by carelessness and stupidity “accidents”?) took place. A psychologist, G. Dick Miller, representing the Couch family, explained that Ethan’s extremely wealthy family created a lifestyle for the youth that made it impossible for Ethan to accept responsibility for his actions.

You see, the beer theft and the .24 alcohol level in Ethan’s blood (three times what New Mexico tolerates) and the speeding were caused mainly by his upbringing, which apparently dictates that if Daddy is rich, he can buy your way out of serious penalties. Wisely, the presiding judge, Jean Boyd, chose not to run for re-election, but she was on the bench long enough to impose 10 years of probation and ordered the rich kid to undergo rehab — in a country club-like facility.

It’s worse for Sergio Molina, at the time a 16-year-old friend of Ethan’s, who was thrown out of the pickup driven by the rich kid. Sergio, almost totally paralyzed and unable to speak, is able to communicate by blinking his eyes: once for yes, twice for no.

Ah, and by sheer coincidence, there’s the case of Jaime Arellano, a Texas 16-year-old who drove drunk, ran a red light and crashed into a car driven by a pregnant woman. It killed her and her unborn child. Arellano, an impoverished immigrant from Mexico, has already spent 10 years behind bars and has yet to complete his sentence.

Two drunken teens, two crashes with several people killed, but vastly different sentences.

We could, I suppose, coin the word “povertenza” or, in Arellano’s native tongue, “pobretencia,” to illustrate the difference in the kind of justice Texas courts sometimes mete out. We wonder: What penalty Arellano would have faced had been able to retain someone like Dr. Suniya S. Luthar, who specializes in “the costs of affluence in suburban communities”?

Critics have also complained that Judge Boyd gave a much harsher sentence to another 16-year-old intoxicated driver 10 years earlier. In February 2004, Boyd sentenced Eric Bradlee Miller to 20 years, telling him, “The court is aware you had a sad childhood … I hope you will take advantage of the services offered by the Texas Youth Commission and turn your life around.”

Bradlee has had a decade to turn his life around, while Couch, augmented by a dream team of attorneys and psychologists, worked to absolve himself from responsibility.

Miller, a psychologist hired as an expert by the defense, testified in court that the teen, afflicted by “affluenza,” was unable to link his bad behavior with consequences because of his parents’ teaching him that wealth buys privilege.

An understandably crestfallen Eric Boyles, who lost his wife and daughter in the Couch crash, said, “Had he not had money to have the defense there, to also have the experts testify, and also offer to pay for the treatment, I think the results would have been different.”

Ethan’s troubles might not be over quite so soon, as he was videotaped playing a game of beer pong in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. The object of the game, one source says, is to toss a ping-pong ball into any of 10 plastic cups containing beer. Apparently having the ball fall into a cup requires the opponent to take a swig of sip the beer from a red Solo cup.

Ethan’s court order prohibits the consumption of alcohol. Because Ethan and his mother were observed in Mexico, he apparently has violated his probation. Ethan is scheduled for transfer to an adult court. But regardless, prosecutors say, the harshest penalty the boy will face is 120 days in jail.

• • •

It’s not always easy to cater to everyone’s tastes, but we’ve tried.

Let me explain:

We’ve hosted two foreign exchange students for five months and attempted to introduce them to American and Mexican-American cuisine. Accordingly, my wife prepares frijoles, posole, enchiladas, tacos and tamales

Because we’d run out of homemade tortillas, I made a quick trip to Charlie’s Spic and Span for a dozen, some of which we consumed that evening. The next morning, Ana Granados, the student from Spain, surprised us with — tortilla.

But not so fast … Her version is a heavy, egg-onion-potato concoction that resembles a pie more than a flat piece of bread. Of course, years ago we’d tasted what Spaniards call tortilla, when he flew to Madrid with a Highlands class. The “surprise” was really for Ana’s travel-mate Phaedra Wouters, from Belgium.

Understandably, neither version of “tortilla” was in Phaedra’s vocabulary. It was amusing observing Ana, speaking rapidly, as most Spaniards do, while she followed her parents’ instructions. And how did Ana accomplish this? Well, through the miracle of Skype, she was able to see and speak with her family several thousand miles away.

Ana’s breakfast surprise was good and filling. But do I like it more than what we call New Mexican tortillas?

With no offense regarding Ana’s kitchen skills: Absolutely not!