It’s not as if I can scale walls, leap tall buildings at a single bound or perform acrobatics on a trampoline.
    The implication that I could came from Karen Rieniets and Barbara Dorris, both of whom just assumed I had something to do with the rearrangement of letters on the marquee at the long-closed Serf Theater downtown.
    To review: Last week I took a photo of some changes on both sides of the marquee. For years the sign had advertised “In Her Shoes.”�
    Someone got to the sign and changed the words to “Heros Shine.” The photo cutline commended the alterers for having used all 10 letters to come up with a different, original, movie.
    But our features editor, Lee Einer, said the plural of “hero” takes two “e’s.”
    Barbara Dorris suggested I had made the changes on the marquee, inasmuch as I am fascinated (most would say obsessed) by words and what they can do.
    Karen was harder to convince. I surmised the sign really was altered by tall Scrabble-enjoying Highlands basketball players, 5-foot-20, who spell well.
    Karen had a point: “Who else would do it” and “Was it a coincidence that you just happened to be driving by in time to photograph the sign?”
    It’s true that I’m concerned (some would say hung up) about signs, their content, spelling and appearance. But what if I didn’t crawl out of bed when only owls stir, don my Plastic Man or Spider Man outfit and rescramble the letters? Why do people assume I’m the guilty one?
    As to the “heros” spelling: Maybe I flunked out of the Dan Quayle School of Public Affairs and Spelling. He’s the former vice president who, at a school spelling bee, insisted “potatoe” is correct.
    Plurals can be confusing. My dictionary pluralizes “hero” as “heroes.” Yet, the plural of “zero” is “zeros”; it’s one hobo but two hoboes, but one lobo and two lobos. Take that, spellophiles-turned- feature editors!
    Now let’s see how many new movie titles we can conjure up using only and all the letters to “In her shoes.” The ground rules specify that the key words not be the same as or variants of the original words: in, her, shoes, heros, shine. Here are some entries likely to win awards this year:
• “Shin Horser”: A western tale of a cowboy who uses his shins, not his spurs,  in the “giddy-up” phase.
• “Her Hose Sin”: A documentary  of a woman whose checkered hose and past drive men wild.
• “He is Nosher”: A romance of a man who loves parties with Hors D’Oeuvres.
• “Hires Horns”: The fictional tale of a symphony conductor with a surplus of drummers and violinists.
• “Is She Heron?”: A tale of a flighty woman with skinny legs.
• “She’s Heroin”: Avoid her.
• “Hi! He snores”: What a soon-to-be ex-wife tells the judge in divorce court.
• “Hoe Shrines”: A historical account of devoted groundskeepers in Fatima and Chimayo.
    And yet, despite hours of dedication to his anagrammatic challenge, the best manipulation of the Serf sign occurred at Easter.
Someone — I wish I could take the credit — rearranged the letters to read, “Oh! He’s Risen.” Such perfect timing!
    Don’t be surprised if the marquee gets changed once again. If you see anyone juggling the letters late at night, don’t automatically assume it’s me (or, as my English teacher would say, “Don’t assume it is I”). At that hour, I’ll be home asleep.
    Or maybe not.